Entry 31- to Darcy

With such a dynamic existence how do I view my kung fu/ life and my momentum? This thought lingers in my head all the time. I think this self check is crucial for me. My lifes forward momentum (meaning my health, my work, my co-existence…my everything really) is based off of my real time feelings of life, not so much what I’ve done, yes that is a factor and matters, but how do I honestly and truthfully feel about by performance. With constant change in my journey I have had continued adaptation and change of goals; such as surgery, job changes, body correction through physio, training adaptation as my physiology changes (aging) has been a big part of my ongoing challenge.

I want to remain an extraordinary individual and not fall into the “I’m old” category, so for this to happen I have to remain dynamic in my process. Remaining dynamic means some things will slip to allow the real time adaptation to precede. I don’t see this as a failure.
I look back at my numbers and commitments from the beginning of the year and my pushups and sit-ups have slowed substantially so have forms minutes, however through my surgery and physio I have brought other commitments into my goal list to allow for life’s continuance.
My career change has become more of a challenge than I anticipated and I’m still really trying to find myself in this, it’s a change that affects the here and now and really the dynamics of my financial existence until the end of my time.
For me to stay physically active, mentally strong and none judgmental of myself, I need to trust in my process and be honest with myself.
Lots of changes and lots of dynamic adaptations, but no stopping. For me, if I start to see my initial goal numbers lower than they should be as failure and not account for my adaptive numbers it becomes deflating and the whole process a negative.
It’s the big picture. How do I truly feel inside…successful, failure, can I do more, could I have done more? Mental happiness and true joy is my target. I have always held myself accountable and have been my worst enemy. Today, even though I have some numbers that are really low, I have adapted and met unexpected challenges, so I feel good with my consistency in that respect. I’m not going to beat myself up over some low numbers, but I will remain true to the process and my adaptability throughout this year. However…one thing that I feel I’ve had to stay true to is justification of the whys that I have lower numbers in some of my challenge commitments. Honesty to myself is a crucial component to my success.