Journal entry - 20251227

 

This year has involved constant realization of prioritization, which has dictated every step I take. Maybe I’m living a bit more in the moment?! This year’s journey has been far from what I expected it would be; at the same time, it’s turning out to be a year of good personal growth. I feel my mental being is evolving; in fact, for the most part I feel more stable and stronger.

Many tools have surfaced this year to assist in my growth, from Kung fu to my teammates and their challenges to my family and coworkers. My goal was simply to learn more about myself and become mentally and physically healthier…with that I figured all the rest would fall into place. Things do seem to be falling into place but looking back I feel the tools have always been present and I was just not able to see them!

I don’t know what’s truly taking place here, but I seem to be a lot more aware of trial and error in people surrounding me…more observant (I hope not more judgmental!). Is it my own clarity or my own life error and correction to which I view this. It’s difficult to sit back and witness friends and family struggle with making healthy choices. I find it very difficult to intervene, as most people don’t want to hear it. In conversation I see my credibility and suggestions dismissed before I even release the first few words. Do we all need to just go through these battles and failures on our own and attempt to repair on our own. It’s like reinventing the wheel over and over. Equally troubling is to see people endlessly perform or verbalize their issues and just don’t do anything to change their patterns. I want to listen and assist, but the reality is and I believe we all need to find the strength to make the change for ourselves…nobody can do it for us. It’s not my issue, but I have a hard time standing back, witnessing friends and family self destruct. I think it’s because going through my own mental and physical struggles and lengthily process to rehabilitate myself “by myself” and now to be on the other side of the fence feeling successful with my results, I truly want to redirect people from the destructive patterns. However, I’m seeing that the less subtle and maybe most effective way to make change may be to lead by example.